The Woolliest Baby (Part 4) or The Birth

Needless to say, when I was finally due to make my entrance into the unknown world outside the womb, I did so like a bolt from the blue. Many times I have had guys tell me that one of my most attractive traits is my impulsive behaviour, although some have found that at times I can drive any normal man to the brink of insanity with my insuppressible impetuosity.

Monday September 18 crept by with insufferable lentitude for the mum-to-be, with apparent disregard for the laws of temporal physics, until all at once, it was Tuesday, D-day. Still nurses peered at my mother’s uterus for signs of dilation and imminent birth, all to no avail. At 1 am, nothing; at 1:30 am, still no change; at 2 am, same old story; at 2:30 am – EMERGENCY! Buttons were pushed and alarm bells rang in the various stations of the delivery team. No-one came. So there we were, my mother still on her hospital bed, and me on the verge of being born, and only one nurse around. The nurse was panicking – looking up and down the corridors for some sign of assistance. Seeing nobody, she went in search of a wheelchair. Guess what – not one to be found! So the nurse hoisted the now hysterical mother-on-the-point-of-being out of her bed, and grabbing her from behind, held onto her by her elbows as if her life depended on it. The two women shuffled out of the ward, along the empty corridors and finally made it to the delivery room. Somehow word must have got around because there were nurses, midwife and doctor all waiting, scrubbed and at the ready. Thus my mother was finally able to push down and hugely relieved, eject me from my 9-month living space at 3 am on a Tuesday morning. All that fuss and my life hadn’t even begun – but the moment it did, it seems I was intent on letting absolutely everyone know that I was around!

newborn

(Dedicated to my wonderful mother who has always loved me no matter what. She is the epitome, the very essence of the word “mother”. I just hope she knows I am aware of that!)

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